This Is Your Offical Notice
by DementedViper
Summary: With the previous order that Harry consults Remus and Sirius regarding his future, the Order hear Harry's latest idea and his insanity drives some to drink. Harry/Many HP/GW/FW/NT/LL/DG and possibly more, See inside for more detail. Rated M just in case
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything Harry Potter...except his insanity, the rest is JK's**

**A/N: **Ok so no killing me because this is not an update to any of my other stories, I've kind of lost all my skills and with stuff in RL affecting the tone of what I write everything else is just clichéd rubbish.

**A/N2: **Ok so the chapters are only really drabbley type pieces that fit together and I only have four written I have no idea if it will go past four or not, sorry.

**Warnings: Major OC Childish/insane harry and AU timeline like Sirius is alive and the Order don't use Grimmauld place. Umm...Slash, of course, but there is Het as well! Nothing graphic either way though and a lot of insanity.**

This little gem was written into part of a story I was writing but then I decided the rest was rubbish and this was the only bit worth saving. So Enjoy!...Or dont. Your choice really.

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><p><strong><span>"This is your Official Notice"<span>**

**Train driver, Pimp, Monk...What?**

"Remi? Siri?" the order glanced at Harry as he walked in a serious look on his face.

"Are you alright?" Sirius asked standing and Harry nodded

"Harry, my boy where in the middle of a meeting"

"This will only take a second and I have to tell them something very important 'coz otherwise I get told off for not discussing my future with them. They told me I had to after I told them I wanted be a train driver" Sirius chuckled as Remus groaned some of the things Harry came up with were outrageous and he was sure they were designed to give Remus and aneurism or a heart attack or something. He was sure he was doing it on purpose.

"Do I have to sit down for this one?"

"I would" he nodded and Sirius raised an eyebrow but sat "after much thought; I have decided where I would like my future intimate relationships to go"

"If this is becoming a pimp again" Remus muttered as he pinched his nose and Sirius chuckled

"Let's hear it then" the Black Lord smiled

"This is your official notice that I have decided to create Harry's Harem" Remus choked as the order gaped and Sirius had to swallow his laugh "however in keeping up with the mundane world's political correctness and sexual equality it shall be open to a few chosen males"

"Is he for real?" Tonks gaped

"Yes" Remus said sounding pained

"I knew your fame was going to your spoiled brat ego" Snape muttered

"Well, now you're defiantly not getting into my harem" he tutted childishly before turning his attention to Remus and Sirius again, the werewolf looking like he would prefer it to be a full moon "I shall approach who I wish but I will take interviews if anyone wishes to be part of it and I haven't chosen them out right, those who have been chosen will be contacted"

"Harry…you're sixteen" Remus said slowly

"Yes, I am aware of how old I am. Now excuse me I have people to contact" he walked out and Remus hit Sirius

"Hey! What was that for!" the convict cried covering his head

"A harem! That is totally your influence!"

"I have never once said the word Harem in front of him! Or even suggested anything similar…at least he's not planning on becoming a monk still"

"He's completely lost it" he sighed "let's hope it's one of those things that only lasts a day" he added and then looked at Sirius and he groaned, they both knew it wouldn't be.

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><p>Thoughts?<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything Harry Potter...except his insanity, the rest is JK's**

**A/N: **Ok so no killing me because this is not an update to any of my other stories, I've kind of lost all my skills and with stuff in RL affecting the tone of what I write everything else is just clichéd rubbish.

**A/N2: **Ok so the chapters are only really drabbley type pieces that fit together and I only have four written I have no idea if it will go past four or not, sorry.

**Warnings: Major OC Childish/insane harry and AU timeline like Sirius is alive and the Order don't use Grimmauld place. Umm...Slash, of course, but there is Het as well! Nothing graphic either way though and a lot of insanity.**

This little gem was written into part of a story I was writing but then I decided the rest was rubbish and this was the only bit worth saving.

Sorry its short!

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><p><strong>"This Is Your Offical Notice"<strong>

**Messers Gred And Forge Weasley**

"Gred, Forge?" the twins gave each other a look before they looked up at the silky voice and blinked at Harry.

"Yes"

"Harrikins?" they asked and he smiled sitting in Georges lap then gave Fred an envelope and he frowned but opened it with a shrug then read other it and choked

"I thought bill was just messing with us"

"What?" George asked trying to see but Harry was an obstacle. Fred chuckled and cleared his throat

"Messers Gred and Forge Weasley" he said pompously and Harry laughed happily "You are here by invited to join Harry's Harem, please relay you answer to Harry James Potter as soon as possible. Love you, Harry" he chuckled and passed it over letting George read it then looked at Harry who was quite content in his lap

"You're seriously making a harem?"

"Yes" he nodded "Shouldn't I? I think it's a good idea" He shrugged "it'll be fun and you're mum is having a fit about it" he added with a smirk and the twins shared a look then grinned. Now who could refuse that?

"Who else are you asking?"

"Whoevers attractive to me" he shrugged then looked around and whispered in George's ear which made him nod before Harry stood "If you write your answer on the back of the invite I'll know" he said before bouncing off.

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><p>Hmmm<p> 


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything Harry Potter...except his insanity, the rest is JK's**

**A/N: **Ok so no killing me because this is not an update to any of my other stories, I've kind of lost all my skills and with stuff in RL affecting the tone of what I write everything else is just clichéd rubbish.

**A/N2: **Ok so the chapters are only really drabbley type pieces that fit together and I only have four written I have no idea if it will go past four or not, sorry.

**Warnings: Major OC Childish/insane harry and AU timeline like Sirius is alive and the Order don't use Grimmauld place. Umm...Slash, of course, but there is Het as well! Nothing graphic either way though and a lot of insanity.**

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><p><strong><span>"This Is Your Offical Notice"<span>**

**Obey the Harem**

Every member of the Order was a bit on edge after the twins had disappeared with Harry a few days ago and no one had heard from them. It was dinner time, five days later; when they appeared and it was Remus' groan of despair that made the members of the order who were staying at Hogwarts for the last of the Christmas break, look up. The twins walked either side of Harry and both were wearing blue t-shirts that said 'Harry's Harem, Above All Else' with the Potter shield faded in the background. If Remus could see the back of the shirts he would see that over the shoulders it said 'Obey The Harem'

"Harry" he said in his 'I'm too old for this but I shall be patient' tone "why do they have t-shirts about your Harem?"

"Because they're part of it, duh. All Harem-ees will get a free t-shirt of their choice from the designs we have, a badge, a bracelet and a patch to sow on to whatever they wish" he shrugged and Remus whimpered making Sirius chuckle

"Fred and George Weasley you will take those ridiculous t-shirts off right now. And you will not be part of Harry's irresponsible and immoral delusion" Mrs Weasley snapped

"Sorry mother"

"But we are 18"

"And therefor can do as we wish"

"Headmaster!" she spluttered

"I am sorry molly there is no rules against making a harem" he sighed

"He is a minor!"

"We shall eat elsewhere if we are not wanted" Harry sniffed and Sirius chuckled pulling him into his lap and the twins smiled sitting opposite them

"Who else have you invited pup?"

"No one yet" he muttered leaning back against him and wrapping his arms around him "I know who I want to invite though"

"How can you be treating this so casually! He's talking about something so…immoral" Molly shrieked "He should marry an upstanding young woman! Like Ginny or another pureblood witch!" Harry ignored her with a bored look and kissed Sirius' cheek

"Love you Siri"

"Love you too pup and I think Remus needs a cuddle" Harry looked at the man then nodded in agreement and moved into his lap snuggling up and Remus held him tightly, mentally praying to merlin that this was a horrible nightmare or even a prank.

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><p><strong>If anyone has T-shirt suggestions or wants to design them feel free I have NO artistic talent but would love to see if someone has the same idea in their head. just let me know<strong>


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything Harry Potter...except his insanity, the rest is JK's**

**A/N: **Ok so no killing me because this is not an update to any of my other stories, I've kind of lost all my skills and with stuff in RL affecting the tone of what I write everything else is just clichéd rubbish.

**A/N2: **Ok so the chapters are only really drabbley type pieces that fit together and I only have four written I have no idea if it will go past four or not, sorry.

**Warnings: Major OC Childish/insane harry and AU timeline like Sirius is alive and the Order don't use Grimmauld place. Umm...Slash, of course, but there is Het as well! Nothing graphic either way though and a lot of insanity.**

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><p><strong><span>"This Is Your Offical Notice"<span>**

**Drink, Patents and More Drink**

"SIRI, SIRI, SIRI!" Harry called as he ran through the halls of the new Order headquarters and into the meeting room where everyone one "Siri, Siri, Siri!" he bounced on the spot and Remus merely sighed and poured himself a tumbler of Odgens Finest Fire Whiskey and braced himself for whatever was next out of his cubs mouth

"What pup?" he chuckled giving Remus a concerned glance and Dumbledore just sighed sitting back down, Harry liked to interrupt their meetings it seemed and Albus had no idea how he kept getting through the wards without even noticing them.

"Look!" he said excitedly and then pulled Tonks into the room and her face was shaded with a slight blush

"Nymphadora, I thought you were on watch duty" Albus said at sight of the woman who was meant to be watching Harry inconspicuously.

"I was sir" she said a hint of embarrassment in her tone "But he found me"

"Pup, what's special about Tonks?" Sirius asked with a chuckle and glanced out of the corner of his eye at Remus who groaned and whimpered something about not being old enough to have grandcubs whilst he forgot about the tumbler and swigged out of the bottle. He turned his sight back to the teen that was practically vibrating with excitement and now Fred, George, Luna Lovegood and a girl around Harry's age and seemed similar but he couldn't place her, stood behind them with small smiles, the members of his Harem that they knew about but there might have been others.

"Look!" he said with annoyance and they looked over Tonks again before Sirius took the bottle off Remus and took a swig seeing what Remus obviously had. Tonks was wearing a Harry's Harem t-shirt (patented and copy-righted courtesy of the goblins, including the Harry's Harem Shield) as she had been on and off for a few months but this one had a circle over the stomach and in the circle was writing that said "_The Future of Harry's Harem_" The meaning quite clear.

Tonks was pregnant, by Harry or the twins.

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><p>Can someone pleeeeeease design me a Harry's Harem Shield? I only have the image of two H's on it which is boring I shall use it in the next chap if I write one<p> 


End file.
